THE QUACK

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When Hermione opened her egg sandwich on the Eurostar, I was reminded why I don’t do group holidays.

Nobody wants to negotiate, compromise, or tolerate things on their time off, which is why holidays are notorious for testing friendships. To know a person, you must see them in a foreign land. When people return from a trip, they are often surprised by their friends.

“Dave was really aggressive about his food.”

“We wanted to go on the luxury catamaran, but Rachel is scared of the sea….”

“Stacy drank all of the mini bar!”

Despite knowing the risks, Hermione, Amy and I – three women who wouldn’t have met if it wasn’t for school – booked a trip to Amsterdam.

Fast forward to August and Hermione is about to open her egg sandwich on the Eurostar. After a tight discussion, we agreed that Hermione could eat her egg sandwich if she did it somewhere else. And so off she went to the other side of the aisle and released the egg stench into the carriage.

It was our first compromise.

We naturally fell into our roles and responsibilities. Amy was on travel, Hermione was the navigator, and I was the coordinator of food and entertainment, including Anne Frank’s house and a walking tour.

Things didn’t start well in my department when the walking tour went a little differently than expected. What I envisioned was a walk around the city, learning some facts in an entertaining manner, but somehow, we ended up on a trampoline in a walled garden, being shown pictures of a cheese shop.

After a laminated slide show about the local food, we followed our guide to the narrowest house in Amsterdam (except it wasn’t the narrowest house in Amsterdam). Then some crazy dutch man yelled at our tour. And then the guide revealed that Amsterdam was sinking 2 metres every year.

TWO METRES….EVERY YEAR?!

When the tour ended, I was no wiser about the city of Amsterdam; apart from that, they were sinking TWO METRES EVERY YEAR… so the locals should probably plan to live elsewhere.

Hermione’s department got off at a strange start when she whipped out a paper map. (Bronze Duke of Edinburgh flashback). She marched behind with her bucket hat poking out from the top, instructing us across the bridges, “Turn right!” “Turn left! NO RIGHT. GRRRRR”

To be fair to Hermione, it was a hard job because even after three days, Amy and I still had no idea what canal we were at or whether we were West or East. It was no surprise that on the last day, the giant queue outside the brunch place that we planned to eat at finally broke our navigator.

“I’m out of ideas. You guys pick. You guys tell me where to go!”

Hermione protested as she waved the now tatty map in the hot European air. We calmed her down, and she, while mumbling unflattering things under her breath, led us to another brunch place.

Apart from that little incident, the trip was surprisingly drama-free. And thanks to Amy in the travel department, we returned to England with our friendship still intact.

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