SOCIAL MEDIA: THE EXTRA LAYER OF A BREAK UP.

When people used to break up, it was done verbally or by letter, and it was done. Finished. With social media, though, our generation has to contend with an extra layer to the separation process – the virtual break-up.

For the last 18 months, you’ve been happily liking, and commenting each other’s social media content. Your family and friends have gotten used to him popping up on your Instagram grid, and you make a common appearance on his stories (most likely at a restaurant smiling down at a plate of food).

And now you’ve broken up. Now what?

If it’s a civil breakup, you may try and stay connected in the virtual world, as you both feel to disconnect is rather extreme considering you both want happiness for each other, so you keep following each other on social media platforms.

To begin with, it’s fine, but then a month later, he posts a photo of him climbing Ben Nevis, which he’s always wanted to climb. Good for him, you think, and then you spot it. In the very corner of the photo – a woman smiling at your ex. Don’t read into it. Don’t read into it. Don’t read into it. Too late, you have screen-grabbed it and sent it off to your board of girls, a mix of spies and judges, and now there is a video conference scheduled for that evening for a full analysis of who this woman could be.

On the flip side, if you know your ex is following you, then you can’t help but to give your best performance of your newly single self. Out come the new hair selfie, the career achievements, and other content which is shouting out in the highest of pitches, “I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE!’ (Translation: when I was with you, it was fine, but you took up too much time and money, so I wasn’t able to do things like go to Glastonbury – and now I’m by the Pyramid Stage on a stranger’s shoulders with glitter on my face. #LivingMyBestLife)

What was once a civil break-up in the flesh, has turned into a cold war.

The day may come when one of you decides to disconnect. Cue the unfollow. It happened to yours truly. One fine Spring day, I had 500 followers, and the next morning I had 498. 2 unfollows overnight. How? I scrolled through my followers to see which one had escaped the list. My gut was already screaming out the answer, and sure enough…the ex was gone. And the second escapee … his mum….WAIT! HIS MUM!? I couldn’t believe it. Took me a whole damn week to recover from that one.

Now that’s if the breakup was civil.

If the break-up had as much explosions as the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, i.e. Brad cheated (it’s always a Brad that cheats – never date a man named Brad), then the unfollow can be the only thing you have to regain power. It will be instant (same day likely). You want to show Brad that you don’t want him anywhere near you, you may even go a step further and block Brad. That’s fine, Brad’s a douche.

Sometimes, people take the unfollowing too far. Sure Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook are the usual contenders, but to be unfollowed on Pinterest and LinkedIn is a bit much. Reddit, Vinted and YouTube are serious overkills.

The purge will leave the unfollowed one thinking the worst. Did they find the farewell flowers I sent to their mum a bit creepy? Is there someone else on the scene, and they don’t want me to see their loved-up selfies? Or…Do they hate me?

Most of the time, though, someone unfollows an ex, not because they are hiding something, for emotional revenge, or for power, but because it’s a little sad to see their life chug on without you.