THE POWER OF THE SHOE.

“I bought Blundstone boots and hate them! What was I thinking? They look ugly on me and they look ugly on women!” Trevor yelled down the phone.

“Hey!” I yelled back. “You said you liked mine when I wore them.”

He back tracked sheepishly, but it was too late.“No, you looked great. You always look great.”

But it was too late, it was now confirmed that on our day out at the zoo Trevor thought my feet were ugly.

The shoe, once a practical thing, has arguably become the most signifiant item of our wardrobe.

A person makes a deliberate decision when picking their pair of shoes, for they know that the style they choose will be projecting the kind of person they are to the world. Even if you don’t care about your shoes, that’s still speaking volumes. I went on a four hour walk with a man once, only for him to lift his foot at the end and to show me the gapping hole in the sole of his trainer. I thought, this is a man who’s not going to sweat the small stuff.

Shoe trends have come and gone; the Ugg for instance came out in the early 2000s to bulk out our calves for our first Facebook photos. Kate Middleton introduced the skin coloured heel to give the illusion of a longer leg, and then the ballet pump came back to shorten them again.

Now we have the white trainer.

Nobody has spoken about the universal peace that has come with the white trainer. At some point seven years ago every single person bought a pair, and we have silently agreed that they can be worn everywhere and with everything. You see them at work, on dates and with suits and dresses. If we had to vote for one shoe to remain on this planet, it will be the white trainer.

By the same token, the world has also agreed that the Croc is the ugliest shoe that has ever walked the planet. The only people who wear Crocs are the ones who are in secure relationships.

I am on an egg timer, I cannot risk wearing Crocs.

A shoe can attract or turn off a potential mate. Personally, I will notice the shoe of a man before I even bother looking up to see the eye colour. I was on a date with a guy, it wasn’t going great, but it got significantly worse when he went to the bar to get us a drink and I saw the heels sticking out from under his trouser leg. Golly, I thought, I can’t bring a heeled man to meet my dad.

I was curious to find out what my friend’s shoes icks were and was surprised by the various responses.

Wendy: One with a buckle, or a Cuban heel or a cowboy boot.

Sian: Sliders. Basically gross plastic shoes.

Hermione: Definitely those backless velvet loafers. They scream arsehole.

Anna: Boat shoes. Like the loafer ones. The posh boy ones.

Rich (in a Mancunian accent) : The ones where the thing wraps around the leg. And stilettos without a toe cover, because what are you trying to show with that little hole? your crossed over toes?

Ed sent me these photos.

Shoes can also do the opposite. The foot/shoe fetish is not uncommon after all. Betty may love her forty-five year old husband in All Star Converses. Danny may love his wife in a clog.

I discovered my friend Lizzie had a thing for Birkenstocks…..

“Not sure I’m the person to ask considering I once had a guy send me a nude photo wearing only Birkenstocks.”