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Last week, I went to a book event with Sex Ed Tom – a blue-eyed biology teacher who, as you can guess by the crass nickname, sometimes teaches sex education. Before the event, we went for dinner at the non-authentic Italian chain Obicà Mozzarella Bar, St Paul’s.
I like hanging out with Sex Ed Tom, as (like me) he adores timekeeping. Before we decided on the kind of authentic mozzarella dish we wanted (or, in my case, how to remove the authentic mozzarella from my dish), Sex Ed Tom had worked out the distance to Daunt bookshop and, therefore, the time to depart from the table. We had 73 minutes. Go.
I’m not saying it has anything to do with the fact we were Virgos (who believes that jargon?), but we both visibly relaxed once the schedule had been established.
As we ate our Italian food, I brought up one of my favourite subjects, ‘Things couples do that make me appreciate being single.’ I gave an example.
“Like, when someone has to either leave a party early because their partner is in a mood or have to hang out at a boring party because their partner wants to stay.”
Tom thought about it for a moment, then said, “Well, I read a book once by Simon Reeve, and he said that he and his wife have a system where they rate out of 10 how strongly they feel about something. If the partner’s number is higher than the other, then they get their way. For instance, if the partner who wants to stay at the party rates their feelings at a 5, and the other partner who wants to leave it is at a 7… then they go home.”
I thought this system could work in theory, but only if both participants were rational, honest people who wouldn’t abuse it. There are times that I’m neither of these things.
“10, Steven. That’s how much I want you to come home from the pub right now. 10!”
“How much do I want to take your Mum to see Cliff Richard? That would be a 1.”
“I would say I was at like a….3 for having a takeaway….and a 9 to be taken out for dinner…”
Sex Ed Tom, who is not as cynical as me, is still going to try out the system in his next relationship. We would have continued the discussion, but it was 18:40. Therefore, we needed to depart.
The book event was Sebastian Junger in conversation with Henry Marsh. Junger is a war journalist who had written a book, ‘In My Time of Dying – How I Came Face to Face with The Idea of The Afterlife.” He had a near-death experience (not in war, PLOT TWIST, but when his pancreatic artery ruptured). Henry Marsh, the interviewer, was a brain surgeon. As you can guess, the event was all Sex Ed Tom’s idea.
It took place at the back of Daunt Books in Cheapside. We took our complimentary drink and sat in the third row from the back. Junger retold the story about how he nearly died and how he saw his dead dad hovering nearby as he was slipping away.
As he was talking, I became distracted by the man sitting in front of me, who had gulped down the last bit of his red wine and was now consequently having a coughing fit. His girlfriend glanced over at him with a look that read, I knew I shouldn’t have brought you.
Back to Junger, he was now talking deeply about how he was after his near-death experience and how it changed his perspective on life. In the book he said, “I sank into a kind of existential insanity. Every sunset, every dinner, every bedtime story drifted into a ghastly significance….”
A loud smash interrupted Junger.
The coughing-fit boyfriend had accidentally kicked his empty wine glass over, and it had shattered all over the floor. His face went the colour of merlot. His girlfriend couldn’t even look at him. I could only imagine what scale she would rate her feelings at that point
“10 Hugo, that’s how much you are not coming to another book talk with me.”
And I sat there, putting the situation into the box of ‘things couples do that make me happy that I’m single.’
I’ve very much enjoyed reading Sebastian Junger’s book, “In My Time of Dying—How I Came Face to Face with The Idea of The Afterlife,” and Henry Marsh’s ‘Do No Harm’, which gives a fascinating insight into the working life of a brain surgeon. Highly recommend both.
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