THE QUACK

AUDIO QUACK

Let’s talk about partners and their hobbies.

When you are single and grumbling about it, the first thing people, (your mum), suggest is to join a club. The hope is that you will meet someone who has the same interest, and so you will fall in love and have babies, and your mum has an excuse to paint spuds again.

Sometimes this strategy works; a couple may meet in the first mile of running club or catch each other’s eye over the top page of Mice and Men… and good on them.  Most people though, find each other on apps or at work, and it’s only when they start dating that they discover each other’s hobbies. 

The question, “What do you like to do in your free time?” is asked soon into the date and for good reason. You can assume a lot about a person just from what they do on their Saturday afternoons. For example…

A man who skateboards– is fun but lost.

A man who flies planes – is intense and rich.

A man who bird watches – how did you end up on this date?

The hobby also gives insight into how your life may look if a relationship was going to happen. Take a man who says he really really loves cycling…

It means every Sunday morning you’ll not be having sex, because he’s cycling with Steve. The driveway is out of use on Saturday because he’ll be fixing his bike in the middle of it. There will be endless Amazon boxes blocking the hallway containing bike gadgets.  It means Steve will be in your kitchen too much. And the rustic Nine Elm mug collection has been ruined by cheap bike-themed mugs given by his sister. And just when you think cycling had reached its full capacity in your life…the Peloton comes out. 

And that’s a normal hobby.

If you are with someone for a long time, you will probably get to the stage where they ‘need to find themselves.’ Being a supportive partner, you’ll encourage them to do whatever they need to do. If you’re lucky they take up running , but there is a risk that they’ve been inspired by something on Youtube…and now a nude model is in your front room every Thursday night, and Barbra is waltzing around like she’s Frida Kahlo.

Greg has taken over the kitchen table with his model boat kit. (The way he sticks his tongue out when he’s tweezing together another deck gives you the ick, but you’re long married with kids, so you’re just going to have to endure him for the next 25 years).

The catastrophe happens when you invade each other’s hobbies. The idea is that you will spend your free time together. But let’s face it – you don’t want him learning the guitar so you can play Wonderwall as a duet in front of your friends. Nobody likes that couple. And a tandem bike is not as cute when you’re screaming swear words at his backside down a country road.

I’ve been guilty of this before, I have sat through football games and hung off climbing walls…and it never really worked out the way I thought it would. As in…instead of bonding, I ended up shouting. “GET ME OFF THIS BLOODY WALL!”

Quite frankly, I’d be irritated if my partner suddenly wanted to write a blog, or is doing hip thrusts next to me in Pilates. THAT’S MY THING. Because the beauty of a hobby, and why people do them, is that it takes them away from the reality of life. As his or her partner, that reality of life includes….you.

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