THE QUACK

Facepalm Moments

ANOTHER ONE OF MUM’S PARTIES

September 23, 2026

Latest Quacks

THE EURO FINAL: THE MUSICAL

July 17, 2024

…A fan would whack the table in a rhythm, prompting everyone to shout ‘ENGLAND!’ It wasn’t exactly Les Misérables, but it did the job.
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BOOBS.

July 10, 2024

And perhaps I’m overthinking it, but they seem to stare off in different directions, like the eyes of the Cookie Monster.
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32 YEARS OF HURT: LIVING WITH FOOTBALL.

July 3, 2024

All I want to do is get rid of the ball, so I can go home and resume Polly’s pool party in Polly Pocket land.
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#LIVINGYOURBESTLIFE? WHAT I LEARNT WHEN I MOVED TO AUSTRALIA.

June 26, 2024

The problem with moving to Australia was that I had to bring myself with me.
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BOOKS

Amy Elman’s To Do List:
– Start wedding planning
– Buy lingerie
– Have sex again

Amy has her entire life planned out: marry her fiancé Josh, move out of their London flat and live happily ever after in the countryside. There’s just one problem – Amy and Josh haven’t had sex in 180 days. She’s counted. So when Josh’s family decide to throw them a surprise wedding, Amy scrambles to cross everything off her to-do list… including Josh. With the help of a glass of red wine (or two), Amy steps out of her star-patterned pyjamas and into a world of too-tight lingerie and sex-positive affirmations. As the big day approaches, will Amy’s luck finally turn around? Will her and Josh be one of those couples who just never have sex? Or will she start to realise that love isn’t something that can be checked off a list so easily?

‘This book was hilarious, chaotic, and ultimately deeply satisfying’ Reader review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

ORDER HERE

Two unlikely housemates. Two tragic dating lives. One mission to try and find love…

Maddie didn’t expect to find herself single at the age of 34 after being dumped by her boyfriend so he can ‘find himself’… but here she is. Semi-homeless and heartbroken, she is on a mission to find ‘the one’, no matter how many awful dates it takes.

Life is going exactly to plan for Violet. She lives in a beautiful flat in Notting Hill, is working her dream job as a vet, and is saving herself for marriage. She’s also been obsessively waiting for the man in her church to confess his love to her. (It’ll happen any day now…)

When Maddie and Violet catch up at an old friend’s wedding and Violet offers Maddie her spare room, Maddie jumps at the chance.

United by their quest to find their soulmate, will Maddie and Violet survive the bad dates life throws at them, and finally get lucky in love?

PREORDER HERE