AUDIO QUACK
I was with my friend Archibald one night in the Kings Arms discussing a date I had been on recently.
“You did what?” Archibald said with a look of disgust.
“We split the bill…” I replied sheepishly.
Archibald shook his head. “Red fucking flag.”
It had been a pleasant lunch date, a good conversation over a two-course meal. There were a couple of things that I mentally noted on the cons list, but all in all, very agreeable…until the bill arrived.
The white paper was placed between us, and the dance began. He leaned back to pull his wallet from his jeans, whilst I bent like a mermaid to retrieve my purse. When our eyes met again, he looked pensive.
“I can get this…” he said.
It wasn’t an assertive statement, more of an opening for a discussion, which meant it was only going to end one way. I hid my disappointment.
“Oh, we can split, I don’t mind. It’s fine,” I said. I slowly slid my card out of my purse.
“Ok, if you’re sure…”
And with that, I tapped my card on the reader. Beep! And my heart dipped. Another item for the cons list.
Why do I feel like this though? It’s not the 1950s after all. I have my own money, I listen to Destiny’s Child’s Independent Women, I’m always banging on about how I don’t need a man except to open jars. Isn’t this what women fought for… to be able to pay for our own risotto?
By the time I met Archie in The King’s Arms I had time to process the 50/50 split and had convinced myself, (and now convincing Archibald), that it wasn’t a bad thing. It’s 2023, men and women are modern, equal, independent individuals running the same rat race. Plus, it could have been a lot worse, he could have insisted on splitting it by what we ate…“Now, you insisted on the olives dear, so I think you should pay for those.”
Archibald wasn’t on board with my defence.
“Of course, you offered to pay. They always offer. I would never EEEEVER allow the girl to pay. Even if the date was awful, I’d pay so I can get the hell out of there.”
“But I can pay my way…”
“Red flag!”
“Men and women are modern, equal individu…”
“Red flag! Red flag! Red flag!”
I didn’t see it as a red flag. At my tender age red flags are only raised in desperate circumstances; like an ankle bracelet or if I’m a guest at his wedding. Still, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that the 50/50 split didn’t bother me, I knew that it did. It was as if a petal of ‘he likes me not’ had been pulled off the flower.
There is a scene in Triangle of Sadness where the boyfriend (Carl) is fighting with his girlfriend (Yaya), because he has had enough of her expecting him to pay. In the scene below she is justifying her actions.
Is that what it all comes down to? Good old-fashioned Attenborough animal instincts.
I asked my other male friends about their views on picking up the bill, which only confused me further.
“I will offer, but I don’t expect them to take it,” said one.
“I go 50/50 until they discuss salaries and then divide the bill to reflect the pay gap,” my more practical friend revealed.
“She wants me to buy the cake and wants to eat it too! Fuck off.” (nobody said this, but I wished they did).
“It’s a red flag if she expects me to pay for the bill.”
With all these red flags flapping about, I wasn’t sure which way to turn, so I followed David Cameron’s way and took it to the polls.
Out of the 9 who said ‘no’, 4 were men and 5 were women.
The ‘yes’ team was made up of 12 women and 4 men.
I guess that solves it, men should pay for the first dates. To The Ritz!
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